Bhavin Shukla

In the last 18 months, I’ve learned to cook, packed lunches for my family on a daily basis, made school runs, drove kids to activities, prepared dinner, arranged and took time off from my hectic schedule to take the family on vacation, managed the entire house, handled daily housework, and so on. I prioritised other aspects of my personal life over my career, by choosing to work in an entity (business unit) within a group instead of working at the group level.

I slogged and slept late, staying awake until 1:00 a.m. every day, reading new technical and spiritual books, and writing blogs and poems. I got up at 5 a.m. to make sure the breakfast and lunch were ready before the family left for work, school, and university.

During this period, I also changed jobs, which put me under more strain because I needed to prove myself in the new organisation.

The question is: what has changed, and why is this transition happening now?

All of the above appears to be my glory and story, but it isn’t. It’s a narrative of my ally’s perseverance, determination, commitment, and enthusiasm. I only served as an ally for someone who has always supported me. This is a payback time.

A Born Teacher

This one is extremely special because it was the most difficult of all. On this occasion, she chose to return to the university to complete her degree at the age of 50, following a nearly 20-year work sabbatical/career-break.

1998 to 2010: The Ally

Hetal made the conscious decision to take a career break in 2003-2004 to help/support raise her young family, who had recently relocated from Mumbai, India to Leeds, UK. Before we moved to Leeds, she was a university lecturer, teaching Applied Mathematics at one of the country’s top academic institutions. Even when we were in India, she stood tall, supported me to pursue for higher studies and worked overtime to pay for my university fees.

Her allyship and leadership enabled her to prioritise what was most important to her and her family at the time. One of us had to make a career sacrifice to ensure that our young girls receive the proper support, values, and education.

I knew it was difficult, but I didn’t completely grasp and appreciate the scale of it until I moved over to play the part she’d been doing all these years.

2010 to 2019: The Years of Consolidation

Years passed, and our girls grew up, so she finally had some time for herself. Hetal’s love for teaching was never hindered by the challenges of migrating to another country and time required to support young girls. She worked part-time as a volunteer in schools to ensure the continuity of her profession. To gain independence and confidence, she once started a tiffin service in Leeds that delivered lunch boxes to offices.

Finally, in 2012, she chose to return to university and pursue another master’s degree at the University of Leeds. This did not work, and the degree did not help her land a good teaching job; she had the right intentions, but she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In 2015-2016, she enrolled in the Teaching Assistant Level 2 course and began working as a teaching assistant (TA). In 2019, we moved from Leeds to Leicester, which was a fresh start for her, and she began working as a TA in one of the Leicester schools.

2020 to 2022: Covid and Lockdown

2020 was the year of Covid; schools remained closed for an extended period of time, and when they reopened, the method of instruction shifted from in-person to online.

She returned to university because she wanted to help underprivileged and disadvantaged students. The only reason she never gave up all these years and was able to overcome these challenges was her passion for teaching; the degrees she earned were simply byproducts.

She was finally accepted into the course and received her degree/qualification. Hetal is currently a full-time Mathematics teacher in the secondary department at one of Leicester’s best schools. I, as an ally, merely took on her position to give her the space and time she needed to explore the world she so much deserved and desired.

Conclusion – The Allyship

We require strong allies in our life to help us keep going. Self-determination, commitment, passion, and perseverance are essential for success, but allyship is the support system that provides us with the space, time, and conviction that everything will work out in the end, and that someone will look after us if something goes wrong.

Allies may not be great achievers, top performers, or rock stars, but they are the people we entrust with our lives. They are the ones who are willing to do anything to get the most out of us.

To make this chemistry function, we need a covalent bond in our relationships, which is formed via sharing rather than giving or taking. This covalent bond is known as “trust”.

It is said that we either judge someone or trust them, there is no grey area. Establishing trust might take a long time, yet there are occasions in life when we can beat the speed of light or tunnel through, if we act the right way at the right moment, i.e. be there when it matters the most.

However, it does require consistency of behavior; confidence acquired can also be lost in a single moment. Living by values and beliefs is the recipe for establishing trust. Meaning, a good moral character is necessary for both the growth of others and our own. Another important characteristic is approachability; someone cannot ask for support unless you are easily approachable. The corporate world is very territorial, it teaches to show attitude and own the space. This is the way quite a few of us choose to claim our position and climb further up, but the tradeoff here is that it makes us less approachable.

Allies can be found anywhere, including at home, among friends, mentors, parents, and coworkers. Becoming allies may also take time. In this instance, I’ve been lucky to work for AXA Healthcare Insurance, which has been supportive and flexible with the times I stop and start work, i.e. the organisation has been a great ally to me.

Having good allies is likewise difficult to come by, and we should not take them for granted. As the proverb says, Ex Nihilo Nihil Fit, or “Nothing comes from Nothing,” therefore if you want a good ally, you must first become one.

This also brings up a key point: if we want more women at work to balance diversity, for example, by providing support to initiatives such as #WomenInTech or #WomenInSTEM, we as allies at home must be proactive and support women in turning things around.

The question is: Do you have a Hetal in your life, and if so, have you noticed it? Are you prepared to become Bhavin?

My guru/teacher, Pujya Morari Bapu, says in Gujarati language, “છેક ભાંગતી રાતે, સાહિબ જગને ખાતર જાગે – Chhek bhāngti rāte, Sāheb jug ne khātar jāge,” which means your ally is up at night and thinking of ways to support you and make your life simpler. Be conscious of your allies and do not take them for granted.

And, if you’re Hetal, do you have or in need of a Bhavin? If you’re struggling and don’t have an ally, it is perfectly normal to seek help from someone you trust.

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References

1. Mind The Gap, https://avanti.org.uk/blog/2021/06/24/mind-the-gap/  ↩︎
2. Education Policy Institute, Annual Report 2020 – Key findings: https://epi.org.uk/publications-and-research/infographic-epi-annual-report-2020-key-findings/ ↩︎

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